The Secret to Sustainable Habit Change? Start With Self-Compassion

Finding yourself frustrated because once again you didn’t hit your goals this week? Here is a little secret I am going to share with you: habit change doesn’t fail because you’re unmotivated, it fails when it’s built on shame, force, and all-or-nothing thinking. 

What if there was a different way to approach your vision of your best or favorite self? What if your next habit started from care instead? Let me explain. 

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Why Compassion Fuels Real Change: 

As creatures of habit, we tend to keep trying the same old ways of thinking about change. We must be hard on ourselves, we must meet every single goal we set, we have no room for compassion, we must be perfect. Okay, even as I type this out, I can hear how harsh and unmotivating that is.

Real change comes from self-compassion. Real change comes from self-compassion. When we view failure as feedback , just another part of the never-ending experiment called life, we make it easier to show up for ourselves again and again. When we are able to get back up every time we get knocked down, we begin to trust ourselves and that we are going to keep showing up for ourselves. Think about it, if someone else berated you for falling short, then ghosted you, only to come back later demanding you do more, would you trust them? Probably not. So why do we do it to ourselves?

By practicing self-compassion, you’ll:

• Return more easily after slipping up

• Build trust in yourself

• Create habits that support your actual needs

• Feel less pressure and more peace

And you’ll feel so much less stressed as well. 

How to Begin: 

This might sound great and all, but where do you even start right? It actually starts with the way in which you speak to yourself. We have a constant story we are telling ourselves about our world and who we are. By replacing the harsh, judgmental story in our minds, we begin to heal our relationship with ourselves and therefore, begin to build self-compassion. Here are a few examples.

• "I need to be more disciplined" ➔ "What support would help me show up more gently?"

• "I messed up again" ➔ "I had a human moment. What do I need now?"

It doesn’t have to be huge changes, just small adjustments to the story so that you are able to believe it and embody the new story. 

3 Compassionate Habit Anchors

Once you begin to change the inner monologue, there are a few other things you can do to begin to create changes in your life through self-compassion. 

• Link a habit to something you already do (habit stacking)

• Start ridiculously small

• Celebrate any effort, not just consistency

Make sure it is manageable so that each time you show up for yourself, you are able to build that trust with yourself. 

As you begin this journey, it may be tricky to build these new habits, and that's okay! Unlearning habits and a story you have spent years developing is going to come with its challenges. I would love to have the opportunity to support you and explore how self-compassionate habits could reshape your routines. Book a free 30-minute coaching session with me here.